Hand Holding Seasons

Ace started his second year of preschool this Fall!

And boy, has he come a long way.

His first day this year was night and day difference from last year. This year, he waited at the door with me and his wide-eyed little brother, and as the doors opened, he confidently walked right in with the other kids.

But it has not always been this way.

When we first moved here, I went with Ace to get a tour of his new school and meet his teachers. From his first step out of the car and onto the parking lot blacktop, Ace was skeptical.

Ace is typically skeptical and weary of new places. For good reason, a good portion of his young life has been filled with going to new places and meeting doctors or getting tests that involved painful pokes or scary machines. So I expected his hesitancy as we were going into his new school.

I buzzed into the intercom at the front doors, and Ace grabbed my hand as we waited for a response on the other end. The door unlocked and I felt a little tighter squeeze from his nervous hand clinging onto mine.

We were met by the principal with a smiling face kindly welcoming us to the school. As she led us to Ace’s new classroom, we followed her through winding hallways and past new voices of teachers captivating their students’ attention.

With every step, Ace held tight to my hand.

When an unexpected noise blared, or someone walked out of a door to join us in the hallway, Ace would look up at me for reassurance that I was still there and things were ok. Finally, we came to his classroom and he sat right on my lap in a circle with his new teachers.

Sometimes I offhandedly see this as a fearful dependence on me that he has in new situations.

But, as I replayed what had happened later that evening, God gave me a different lens to look through.

Proverbs 3:5 says,

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5 (ESV)

According to this verse, my walking with Jesus along a new, unexpected path should look more like Ace’s gripping tight to my hand as we walked through his new school together.

The unknown should push me to cling closer to my Father with every step I take.

But instead, I tend to get overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity or unexpectancy of where I find myself and walk slowly, almost along the opposite side of the hallway, or stop in the middle all together. I start to believe that until I can make some sense of my path and where it is going, I can’t move forward. 

I start to seek comfort in my own understanding more than in the reassuring touch of His hand.

But walking through life this way deprives me of the sweet intimacy with my Father that dependence on Him reaps.

Sometimes instead of trying to understand every detail of what God is doing, He’s just asking us to hold His Hand and let Him lead. 

As Ace walked through the halls with me, he didn’t question if I knew where I was going and wander off on his own. He held even tighter to my hand because he didn’t know where he was going. He may have felt lost, but he trusted I knew the way, and so stayed close to my side.

This is a beautiful childlike faith that we should also see in our own walks with God.

When we get older our mindset starts to shift to sound more like: “If it doesn’t make sense to me, it must not be the right way”. But then we’re reminded by verses like Proverbs 3:5 that this way of thinking isn’t necessarily making our own paths straight. 

Do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge HIM.

Not yourself.

Not compared to what direction the people around you are going.

HIM.

And HE will make straight your paths. 

The truth is this verse only brings comfort and confidence if you believe you want what God has for you no matter what that is. No matter what that looks like. 

If you know He is good and holds your very best future, you can trust He is always leading you into what you were created for.

Even while you can’t make sense of it yet.

When God asks me, “Will you hold My Hand and trust Me before you can make sense of the path I have you on?”

This feels like a tough ask, and even unnatural a lot of times.

But, of course God knows this about my heart. 

The truth in Proverbs 3:5 isn’t just good advice to try to live by, it’s truth that we need to store away in our hearts so that each day when we inevitably encounter something unknown, new, or even unwanted about our path that God has us on, we don’t cross our arms and start leaning into our own understanding, which will always lead us to anxiety and distrust.

But, instead reach out to squeeze God’s Hand even a little tighter as we trust in His goodness and sovereign ability to make our paths straight according to His plan for our life.

I’m currently finding myself in a hand holding season right now, and there’s something so beautiful about it.

It’s certainly not exuding comfort and easy terrain as other seasons do. 

But, I would not trade the intimacy with my Father that comes from seasons like this where my heart knows I need to stay close and cling to Him even tighter in order to walk through this journey. 

And surprisingly, I almost come to prefer the hand holding seasons over comfort.

From one of His children to another,

Christi